We don’t usually do much, if anything, for Valentine’s day, so that isn’t a big deal. But Jon is still recovering very slowly from his surgery and my dad is in the ICU because of severely low sodium levels and today it all just hit me. Maybe I’m PMSing, or maybe the PMS just made me acknowledge the feelings that I’ve mostly tried to ignore. I don’t know. But I had a meltdown, wrote a pretty emotional email to my boss that.. is gonna be pretty awkward to deal with, and nothing really changed.
My mom and I apparently had synchronized meltdowns, because she called me when I was driving home. I couldn’t answer (driving and talking on your cell phone isn’t safe, friends), and it’s probably for the best, because I was already trying not to cry (crying while driving is also not safe, friends~). When I finally got a hold of her again, she told me that she had had a moment of not being okay and that’s why she called. It sucks, because I can’t really do anything to help her, or Jon, and I’m so fucking tired of that. I just. I can’t do anything.
Life, if you’re listening, can you maybe go easy on us for a month or something? I need things to be at least in the possible range of getting better so I can quit my job and get my shit back on track. I may end up doing it anyway, but it feels really scary when Jon isn’t working and there’s no real end in sight right now. Just. Throw us a fucking bone please.